Your Gods won’t save you now!
1. FIRST NAME:
Farcus
2. WHAT IS THE MOST PHYSICAL PAIN YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN?
Right now having been asked this question for the 15th time.
3. DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE GUM WITH YOU?
It’s pronounced “underpants navy”!
4. WHAT KIND OF MOUTHWASH DO YOU PREFER?
Listerine…good random question.
5. ARE YOU GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI?
This question is gay. Stop asking shit that’s on people’s profiles!
6. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOOD KISSER?
I think therefore I am!
7. WOULD YOU SEVER YOUR OWN PINKY FINGER WITH A KNIFE FOR 10 MILLION DOLLARS?
Sure!!! It wouldn’t cost 10 million to get it sewed back on! Show me the suitcase of cash then.
8. DO YOU THINK MIDGETS ARE CREEPY?
Midget Porn is.
9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN A HIGHER BEING?
Thinking humanity is the most evolved thing in the universe is so very egotistical. But you only asked that question for a bunch of lame stoner jokes.
10. IF YOU ARE A SMOKER, WHAT IS YOUR BRAND?
Disgusting!
11. WHAT IS YOUR DRUG OF CHOICE?
Laughter.
12. BIG TRUCKS, LUXURY CARS, MOTOR CYCLES, OR FAST CARS?
Gimmie a Prius. Hah!
13. WHAT KIND OF SUNGLASSES DO YOU WEAR?
Eyelids.
14. HAVE YOU EVER ENGAGED IN ANAL SEX?
Getting an enema is bad enough…fuck you very much!
15. DOES YOUR LOCAL WATER TASTE GOOD?
Water is water is water.
16. WHAT KIND OF PC DO YOU HAVE?
Half gateway, half sony.
18. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT DRUNK?
Well over seven years ago. I decided I want to live.
19. IF YOU HIT A 50 MILLION LOTTO, WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU WOULD BUY?
A plane ticket.
20. DO YOU EVER GAMBLE?
Far more often than I think…but not in the way you’re asking!
21. IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Someplace sunny and warm.
22. WHAT IS YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER?
263539
23. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A FLAT TIRE?
I haven’t needed viagra yet, no.
24. ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW HAIRY IS YOUR ASS?
umm…that was REALLY random!
25. DO YOU LIKE PRESIDENT BUSH?
You know who I am, right?
16. ARE YOU HUNGRY RIGHT NOW?
I need a bath.
17. WHAT IS/WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCHOOL LUNCH?
Rolls. If we don’t get no tolls, we don’t eat no rolls!
18. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD?
Sex.
19. WHAT IS THE OLDEST ITEM IN YOUR HOUSE?
My soul.
20. HOW MANY CD’S DO YOU HAVE?
I dunno…like 400.
21. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WET THE BED?
I got so drunk that I gave myself a hernia. Top THAT!
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE SEX WITH ANY ONE PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Claudia Black. *giggidy giggidy giggidy*
23. HAVE YOU EVER UNDERGONE SURGERY?
Another question I’ve been asked 32 times.
24. WHEN YOU STUB YOUR TOE OR BUMP YOUR HEAD, WHAT DO YOU USUALLY SAY?
FUCK!!!
25. DO YOU ENJOY MAKING PEOPLE FEEL STUPID?
I’m a teacher and a student. Condescending fuckwads can suck my balls.
26. WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PERSON AT WORK/SCHOOL?
Work?! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHaH!!!!!!!!
27. WHAT BRAND IS YOUR CELL PHONE?
It’s made of cardboard.
28. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING?
I think every teenage boy has.
29. HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT ANYONE MASTURBATING?
heh…disgusting story. Me and a friend get home from school one day. This was my first 11th grade year I think. When we walk into his house the first thing I notice is an open can of crisco on the kitchen counter. When I get a little closer I noticed three finger marks in it. Then I notice crisco on the doornob to his mom’s room that’s right next to the kitchen. Then… Wait for it… Wait for it… His older brother (who had cerebral palsy) come walking out, cock in hand!!! I’m not sure if we were more laughing or repulsed! Damn I haven’t told that story in years and years and years…
30. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU PUKED?
Stop. Asking. The. Same. Questions.
31. HOW OLD ARE YOU?
IT’S ON MY PROFILE!!!
32. WOULD YOU RATHER SKY DIVE OR BUNGEE JUMP?
One time I went bungee jumping and the guy told me to fall off the bridge backwards like when you go scuba diving. Then when I was past the point on no return he came running up with the other end of the rope yelling “WAIT! WAIT! NOT YET!!!”.
33. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?
I’m not answering the same old questions anymore. You bore me!!!
34. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SHAVE?
Maybe once a month. I’m rocking the hillbilly beard!
35. DO YOU THINK THE MIDGET QUESTION (8.) WAS OVER THE LINE?
Midget Porn is funny.
36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BEER?
Orange Juice.
37. GIRLS: DO YOU SWALLOW?
GUYS: DOES YOUR GIRLFRIEND SWALLOW?
Smegma.
38. ARE YOU RACIST?
No.
39. DO YOU THINK FARTS ARE FUNNY?
Fart jokes are. Especially since they make Morgan Webb a little uncomfortable!
40. LIBERAL, CONSERVATIVE, OR NEITHER?
Liberal Loonatic.
44. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF YOUR BODY?
My fun parts!
45. ARE YOU STILL THINKING ABOUT THE MIDGET QUESTION?
I think someone has a fetish.
46. IF AN ENTIRE STATE IN AMERICA WERE TO VANISH, WHICH DO YOU THINK WOULD NOT LIKELY BE MISSED?
Texax/Washington DC.
47. HAVE YOU EVER FLUSHED A DECEASED PET DOWN THE TOILET?
Cats don’t fit down the toilet.
48. WHO ARE BETTER DRIVERS, MEN OR WOMEN?
Women are statistically.
49. ARE YOU SEXIST?
Stupidity has no to do with gender.
50. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE DUMBEST SPORT IS?
Sports.
51. DO YOU FORWARD CHAIN EMAILS THAT CLAIM TO BE GOOD/BAD LUCK?
I’m not 12 years old.
52. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING THIS VERY SECOND?
I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.
53. DO YOU SLOW DOWN AT CAR ACCIDENTS ATTEMPTING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE?
I’ve seen some funny accidents just right down the street.
54. WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING OTHER THAN CHECKING YOUR MYSPACE?
Taking a bath.
55. HAVE YOU EVER HAD JURY DUTY?
Like they would choose me!
56. DO YOU KNOW YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD?
You insult my intelligence. I challenge you to a duel!
57. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE SAYING “OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD” ORIGINATED?
Off the top of my head it did.
58. ERA OYU DYXLESIC?
You spelled lysdexic wrong.
59. DID YOU ENJOY THIS SURVEY MORE THAN THE AVERAGE “TIRED” ONES THAT HAVE BEEN GOING AROUND FOREVER?
This one was pretty fucking tired!!!
60. IF YOU COULD SLEEP WITH ANY MILF….
Then chances are I would.
