So I went to the fridge in the “laundry room” a little while ago to get something to eat. And right when I walked through the door back to the kitchen I heard this loud “POP!” and next thing I know I’m about 5 feet away from where I thought I was…. Here’s the back story:
The central heat/air unit is right there. A few years ago the drain for the a/c got clogged and flooded the thing out, almost caught fire…fun fun! We fixed the drain but ever since then the thing has still leaked somewhere. Meaning….the floor has been rotting out!!! There’s about a 3 foot square spot right in front of the door that was held up by nothing but linolium. I’ve been careful to not step there because I knew it was just a matter of time before someone fell through it! Was hoping it would be my dad… But I had a REALLY shitty day yesterday! I’m really out of it today. So I forgot to NOT step in the death trap on my way back here! I had to shift all my weight to my bad side when the floor gave way and I started falling through the hole. I didn’t even have time to think about it… It fucking hurt like HELL!!! I think I blacked out a little when it happened too since I didn’t know where I was for a second or two after. So there’s my story. I just want to go back to bed and sleep the rest of this goddamn day away now!

Here’s my drunken “pre-interview” with Driveway Speeding…. Might have a bit of a “you had to be there” thing going on but it cracked me up!

Jeb: John, how you
Jeb: we drunk
x1984x: hahahahahahaha
x1984x: nice picture too (his msn icon)
Jeb: prob not a good time for intervire
x1984x: i’m not quite ready yet anyway
Jeb: Bad spelling
x1984x: was the gig good?
Jeb: I don’t understand
x1984x: i only have about 10 questions so far
Jeb: Ten makes a good interview surely?
x1984x: been listening to driveway speeding, hooton, and ohno express most of the day to get my head ready
Jeb: We’ll do it next weekend
x1984x: i ask lots of questions..haha
Jeb: Benny?
x1984x: umm….benny?
Jeb: Bad joke
x1984x: hahaha…i guess so!
Jeb: Prob doesn’t work over MSN
x1984x: or it went over my head
Jeb: Yes
x1984x: hahahaha
Jeb: LOL
Jeb: LMAO
x1984x: damn you are drunk…haha
Jeb: How do you know?
Jeb: Yeah, we are
x1984x: because you told me 5 minutes ago
x1984x: haha
Jeb: Ha
Jeb: HAHAHA
Jeb: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
x1984x: i kind of wish i was ready now
x1984x: this would have been HILARIOUS!!!!
Jeb: It would be a terrible interview
x1984x: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
x1984x: BUT FUNNY!!!!
Jeb: Yeah
x1984x: whew
x1984x: light headed now
Jeb: Dude, time to quit I guess. Sorry if you’re up and wanting to do interview
x1984x: it’s cool
x1984x: it’s not even 9pm yet here too
Jeb: What time you going out
x1984x: HAH!
x1984x: i don’t even have a car
x1984x: and my dogs are BEGGING to get fed
Jeb: Feed the fuckers
x1984x: yeah
x1984x: they won’t leave me alone
Jeb: FEED EM
x1984x: they might try to eat ME soon!
Jeb: I say goodbye to you
x1984x: haha
x1984x: later man
x1984x: interview next week for sure!
Jeb: jim and Tim say goodbye too
x1984x: bye to jim and tim
Jeb: Nob off Benny
x1984x: hahaha…i am so lost…
Jeb: Bad English humour
Jeb: We all say bye
x1984x: later

1. Your name plus “y”:
Johny.

2. Two feelings at the moment?
Cold, and my back hurts.

3. What are you listening to right now?
Culture Shock! (you fucking rock Mike!)

4. A part of a song lyric that’s in your mind:
umm…Twenty Questions…and it’s the first time I’m hearing it so no quotes.

5. Describe where you are right now?
In the kitchen…

6. What was your highlight of the week?
Probably the mp3 cd I just got. New music!!!

7. What are you craving to have right now?
A bath.

8. Any unforgettable childhood/teenage memory?
That time when I was 3… I was walking outside my trailer and stepped on a board with a nail in it. Which went straight through my shoe and foot! I just pulled it out and kept going.

9. A not-so-good childhood memory?
Later that same year when I saw a kid down the street get run over by a car.

10. Your three plans for tomorrow?
“Get drunk, masturbate, cry.”

11. Your three plans for today?
Waste half the day on myspace, listen to lots of music, talk to girls on aim… It’s easy to succeed when your expectations are low!

12. Are you thinking of someone right now?
Not really.

13. Do you party?
There’s a party in my pants.

14. Ever gotten drunk:
Not since I was 8.

15. Say something to the person who sent you this:
Take a bath you stinkin hippy!

16. Mary has her little lamb. What do you want?
Mary…

17. Say anything you like to whoever is reading your answers:
You people need to quit stalking me… Seriously!

18. Are you feeling hungry?
ehh…a little maybe.

19. Last friend you talked to online?
Kali.

20. What do you like about night?
It’s so much more fun than the morning.

21. If you were in a farm.. what do you want to see?
The road away from it!

22. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Someone else.

23. Last gift?
The aforementioned mp3 cd.

24. What sound did you last hear?
My dog getting a drink of water.

25. Your good luck charm?
My brain.

26. Person you hate most?
That guy that always stares at me in the mirror.

27. Who makes you laugh the most?
Marilyn.

28. Makes you smile?
All my friends do in different ways.

29. Who has a crush on you?
Those are secret!

30. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Most of them are less that 7 months old actually…

31. Tell us about the last conversation you had:
Kali was just a little stoned…

32. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
Yes…NO…wait…YES!!!

33. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
Does attempted murder count?

34. Have you ever gone to therapy?
That’s what friends are for.

35. Have you ever Toilet Papered someone’s house?
Nah…

36. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Far too many times…

37. Have you ever gone camping?
Yes…and I have a GREAT story involving weed, mountainous terrain, arriving too late with no flash lights… But it’s far too long to tell here!

38. Have you ever had a crush on your Sister’s friend?
When I was about 12… Thanks so much for reminding me, asshole!

39. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
uhm…ick!

40. Have you ever drank jack daniels?
Certainly. Didn’t care for it either.

41. Have you ever had a stalker?
Of the e-variety.

42. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
So many times!!! I’ll even share a classic with you right now. Just because I’m feeling generous!

**
yeah i have certin funny/interesting qualties about me hahhah

-red hair
-lame
-cant spell
- i have 6 toes on one foot

go down

farther

mmmmm

ahhhhhh

oooOOooOOO

……………..

by the way jk about the 6 toes on one foot thing hahahhah
**

That girl kills me…

43. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?
hah…too many times. And parties are already lame enough when under the influence!

44. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
…yeah

45. Have you ever felt like you were just completely rhino raped?
That’s like having sex with a rhino that doesn’t love you anymore.

46. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
hahahaha…can’t say I have!

47. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat?
I’ve gotten a few that I WISH I would have worn a hat to cover up! Lemme just say… I was way too big of a MacGyver fan in Jr High…

48. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
I kind of doubt it.

49. Have you ever gotten so wasted you didn’t know what was going on?
I always held my shit pretty good. But I almost said no before remembering that time in Miller Park that I drank 10 Mickey’s Malt Liquors in the span of about 2 hours. Considering the damage I inflicted upon myself that wasn’t noticed til waking up the next day…I’d have to say yes!!!

50. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
No…but they’re all female so you managed to not completely creep me out with this question!

1. Do you like chinese food?
I think it’s better cold and covered in soy sauce. Just like sex.

2. How big is your bed?
Not big enough to keep me from hitting things when I occasionally take swings at people in my dreams. You know what? If you’re laying on your arm at the time… It hurts!!!

3. Is your room clean?
Covered in an inch of dust…. But pretty much. What an odd question. Better than asking how many pillows I have for the fucking 10,000th time!!!

4. Laptop or Desktop computer?
Desktop.

5. Do you smoke?
Not really since I was 3. That’s not a joke!

6. Whats the sexiest thing about Johnny Depp?
When he played the gay pirate?

7. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex?
Tis better to give than revieve.

8. Who sleeps with you every night?
The future and the past.

9. How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
hmmm…four maybe? And at least one person in the car was on drugs/carrying drugs too! Or shitfaced drung (funny typo!)!

10. Pancakes or French Toast?
Pancakes…and it’s FREEDOM toast you fucking liberal pinko commie homo!

11. Do you like coffee?
“I like it the way I like my women - ground-up and stored in the freezer.”

12. How do you like your eggs?
I’m not really big on eggs.

13. Do you believe in astrology?
Only the Chinese variety.

14. Last people you talked to on the phone?
Julie.

15. Last person on your missed call list?
Bill collector.

16. McDonalds or Burger King?
BK is sliiiiiightly less disgusting.

17. Last thing you bought?
umm…shipping for presents.

18. What are you hearing right now?
The Al Franken show.

19. Pick a lyric:
I have this stuck in my head after seeing my last survey….

You’re so semi-detached, you’re so privet hedge
You’re so income tax, you’re so national defence
You’re so semi-detached, you’re so rank and file
You’re so neighbourhood watch, you’re so antiseptic smile

You’re so semi-detached, you’re so sliced white bread
You’re so nicotine patch, you’re so buy to rent
You’re so semi-detached, your’e so double-glazed
You’re so celebrity facts, you’re so easily amazed

You’re so semi-detached, you’re so stocks and shares
You’re so treadmill rats with such calm blank stares
You’re so semi-detached, you’re so holiday home
You’re so Prozac relaxed, insecure and alone

Semi-semi-semi-semi-semi-semi-detached
Semi-semi-semi-semi-semi-semi-detached
Imitation of life
Semi-semi-semi-semi-semi-semi-detached

You’re so semi-detached
You’re so MPV
You’re so state of the art
You’re so buy one get one free
You’re so semi-detached
You’re so dictate the norm
You’re so rush hour mob-rule
In white-collar uniform

20. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Purple…

21. Can you play pool?
I used to be sort of decent. My dad would take me out like once a week to play when I was about 15….which I enjoyed for some reason. I hope Caggy does this one!!!

22. Do you like maps?
Huh????? They make good hats…

23. Tell me a random fact:
Natural redheads require 20% more anaesthesia than other people do.

24. Ever attend a theme party?
Halloween is a theme.

25. Ever do a keg stand?
Technically, no. But I have stood on my head to funnel a beer or two. Holding the funnel by myself! I’m talking a KITCHEN FUNNEL!!! That takes skills…hahahaha!

26. Craziest place you’ve slept after a night of drinking?
I never, ever passed out. Way back when I did drink I actually found it hard to sleep drunk!

27. What is your favorite season?
It’s still summer somewhere, and I really need to go there….

28. What is the first music video you ever saw?
Probably THRILLER. Aww fuck!!! Now it’s stuck in my head!!!!!!!

29. Pick a movie quote:
I have come to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum!

30. Favorite quote:
I dunno if it’s my favorite, but….
You’re not going crazy… You’re going sane in a crazy world!!!
I love The Tick…

31. What is your favorite Thirsty Thursday hangout?
Say what???

32. Best friend’s name?
I don’t have just one and I don’t want to list them all…

33. How long have you known them?
Only one has been over a year but it seems like forever with all.

34. Last time you laughed at something stupid?
Do I count?

35. What time did you wake up this morning?
It was about 10:30 when I almost dislocated my shoulder taking a swing at someone. See question number two!

36. Wake up next to anyone?
Beside myself.

37. Best thing about winter?
It only comes once a year!

38. Name a couple of favorite colors:
Blue and bluer.

39. How old are you?
28 going on 17…hahahahaha…

40. What month is your birthday in?
May…

41. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
Ninjas can kick pirate ass!

42. Favorite “Goth Rock” bands:
Oh Fuck OFF!!!

43. What are you doing this weekend?
I’ll put you down… Inside myself.

44. Who will take this survey?
Angela… Maybe Marilyn?

1. First thing you did this morning?
Wake up to my alarm and think “aaaaagh I don’t want to get up yet!”

2. Last thing you ate?
MMMmmmmm… Grilled cheeeeeeeeeese….

3. What are you looking forward to most in the next 6 months?
I don’t even know right now.

4. What’s annoying you right now?
Pretty much life in general.

5. What’s Worse?
a) getting hurt
b) people not being real with you
c) not having your dreams come true after you try so hard

damn…C is a combination of A and B.

6. Is there someone you miss?
There’s several crazy girls I miss right now.

7. What’s one thing you wish you were better at doing?
Finding jobs! HAH!!!

8. If you could be anywhere this second, where would it be?
Anywhere but here.

9. Latest addiction?
The Dicks. They are still so fucking under-rated!

10. How many people would you say are interested in you?
heheheh….

11. What do you love doing?
Making people laugh til they piddle.

12. What is your favorite food?
Freedom Fries…yeah I had to put that since I’m listening to Four Letter Word right now and that song just happened to be on!

13. If you only had one hour to live, what would you do in that hour?
Attempt to acheive Jamaharon.

14. Would you ever consider being a porn star?
hahahaha…you know that’s not as glamourous as it sounds, right?

15. What are you listening to right now?
Four Letter Word morse code…

16. What time do you normally go to bed every night?
Usually around 4am but it was 7am til I got to sleep last night! My spidey sense was tingling I guess…

17. Who was your first true love ever?
A green-eyed girl.

18. Would you rather have true love or win the lotto?
I’ve said this before to a different question. I really don’t care about money as long as I have the essentials.

19. Name your top five favorite movies?
In no particular order… Evil Dead 2, They Live, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Star Trek: First Contact, Aliens… yeah, whatever.

20. Would you rather shower or take a bath?
Shower!!! But bubble baths are fun!

21.What�s one of your favorite TV shows?
Arrested Development! I can’t say “Bob Loblaw” without cracking up.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has
never cried.

2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family
does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather
roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child,
Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of
his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his
urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as
Red Bull.

5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting
them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

6. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much
wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN
THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his
hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years
and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a
hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

7. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his
rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts
ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took
his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony,
couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.

8. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat
cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a
day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for
30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

9. The original theme song to the Transformers was
actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck
Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris
as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a
pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single
show, however, so it was divided.

10. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought
baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly
to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’
obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after
all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

11. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat
Chicks.

12. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one
Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it
honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully
cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife
asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse
kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck
Norris.”

13. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with
his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

14. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is
“Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply
stared at him until he exploded.

15. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

16. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply
pointing at her and saying “booya”.

17. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and
proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight.
He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just
because he’s Chuck Norris.

18. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck
Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of
elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his
strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the
fatality rate of the actors he fights.

19. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure
as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself,
“That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”,
then you are dead wrong.

20. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever
that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is
working on a way to make it show clips of Norris
having sex with Conan’s wife.

21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

22. Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells
like you and I. His have a small black ring around
them. This signifies that they are black belts in
every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick
the shit out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never
gets ill.

23. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner
karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the
shit out of little kids.

24. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after
they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr.,
insisting that that actually is “his” way.

25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century
was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his
bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck
Norris.

26. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when
she didn’t give him exact change.

27. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law
and Order are trademarked names for his left and right
legs.

28. After much debate, President Truman decided to
drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the
alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It
was more “humane”.

29. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If
you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds
away from death.

30. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter
books for children who just bought one for the hell of
it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says,
“I’ll give you something to cry about,” and roundhouse
kicks them in the face.

1. First thing you did this morning?
Wake up.

2. Last thing you ate?
Some cherry pastry thing.

3. What’s the thing you look forward to most in the next 6 months?
It involves California, good friends, and music!

4.Whats annoying to you right now?
Certain people that CONSTANTLY lie to me!!!!!

5. What’s the worst?
Losing friends to drugs and alcohol.

6. Is there someone you miss?
Quite a few of my friends have gone silent lately.

7. What inspires you?
Different thing in different ways. Music inspires me. Some people inspire me.

8. If you could put together a concert of 3 bands or artists, who would you choose?
fuck….together: Four Letter Word, Leatherface, Descendents. dead: Turtlehead, Broccoli, China Drum.

9. Song that sums up your love life?
Dreams by the Descendents.

10. What’s one thing you wish you could do better in?
Reading comprehension. Never saw that coming did you!

11. If you could be anywhere this second, where would it be?
Seeing the Descendents with Marilyn. Rock!

12. What’s your most vivid memory from 6th grade?
I think Challenger blew up live on tv when I was in 5th grade. Otherwise I remember nothing! NOTHING!!!!

13. Latest addiction?
The Spermbirds!!

12. Have you ever had the slight urge to kill someone?
I’ve made plans. Am I joking?

13. How many people would you say were interested in you at once?
I honestly have no fucking clue.

14. What do you love doing?
Listening to music, writing about music, laughing with my friends.

15. Do you think someone thinks about you daily?
I’m sure several people do!

16. Who was the last person you saw or talked to?
My dogs.

17. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don’t want to grow up! If growing up means being like you!

18. How many people do you know with the same name as yours?
I have the most common name in the western world.

19. What was the last thing you spilled?
My seed.

20. What song is playing right now?
Descendents - Dreams

1) Who is the biggest dumbass you know?
ummm….Kali? People think she just plays dumb but she really isn’t. And she REALLY shouldn’t have told me that!!!

2) What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Fried!!!!!

3) What county were you born in?
Modesto.

4) Automatic or Manual?
My mind wanders waaay too easily for a maunal transmission.

5) Does tequila make your clothes fall off?
No, it gets you drunk!

6) What is the biggest piece of furniture you own?
Bookcase…one of those $30 fiberboard ones from Wal Mart that you have to put together. It was really funny when I got that because my doberman (a big, scary type dog!) was SCARED TO DEATH OF IT!!! He would walk into my room and then look up at the bookcase with the biggest “deer in the headlights” eyes you’ve ever seen!!! HAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

7) Have you ever licked the cheese off a Dorito & not eaten it?
What? No.

8) What song would you like to be listening to right now?
Since I decided to listen to Annalise and You Break Me just started….

9) Innie or outie?
Innie.

10) What’s the name of the last movie(s) you rented?
I haven’t rented a movie for at least 10 years!!!

11) Do you know anyone you would like to get in trouble in one way or another, or play a prank on as long as you were never found out?
I’m not a “prankster”. But I could think of a person or two!!

12) If so, what would you do?
Your Honor, I plead the fifth.

13) Are you a tactful person?
Tactfully blunt.

14) Have you ever told someone they didn’t look bad when they asked when they actually did look bad?
Nope.

15) Do you question the norm?
Pretty much everytime I breathe.

16) Do you like to pop other peoples zits?
EWWW!!!!

17) Are you guilty of handing out unsolicited advice?
I suppose so. A cute girl called me Dr. Phil a few months ago. It was funny!

18) Do you prefer to give or recieve presents?
Give, recieve, feels the same to me.

19) Have you ever ridden a horse?
When I was about one and it scared the fucking shit out of me!

20) Do you own a deep fat fryer (like a fry-daddy)?
Nope.

21) Do you like the smell of Ketchup?
Ehhh…s’aright.

22) Have you ever regifted anyone?
Yes, with music!

23) Have you ever smoked Pot?
Smoked it, sold it, almost got arrested for it more than once…

24) Are you an impulsive person?
I’ve been known to be. That little voice doesn’t scream loud enough sometimes!

25) Have you ever commited a Random Act Of Kindness?
I don’t know how random, but sure.

26) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
umm…five. Only two get worn with any kind of regularity.

27) Do you read shampoo bottle & etc. in the shower or bathtub?
I can barely see my own hand without my glasses on!

28) Does it bother you when someone you know, other than your family members, feels free to just walk in your house without knocking?
They would be bothered by the two 90lbs dobermans!

29) Do you know anyone who has the uncanny ability to be able to (accuratley) finish your sentences?
No. But I can read people’s minds sometimes. Someone will get me someday…

30) Give me another word for penis?
Wet willy.

31) Give me another word for vagina?
Eminim.

32) If you could own your own company or business, what kind would it be?
For the thousandth time…record store/distro/label.

33) How many pets do you have?
Read question 28!

34) Have you ever had a “Fling”?
No…

35) Nachos or Pretzels?
Nachos! I never really got the appeal of pretzels.

36) Do you think Brad & Angelina will last?
WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!!

37) Do you care?
Dur!

38) Who makes you laugh the most?
Marilyn!

39) Do you consider yourself a beautiful person on the inside?
Some people think I am.

40) Do think Michael Jackson is a freak or just misunderstood?
A freak that we really DON’T WANT to understand!

41) If you could be on any reality show, which one would it be?
Dude, Where’s My Dignity?

42) Do you like lightening bugs?
Why certainly!

43) Have you ever had sex on a trampoline?
That would lead to some vicious trampoline burn. Might I add…OUCH!

44) Have you ever had to have an enema?
And been catheterized!

45) Have you ever gotten an autograph from a professional athlete?
Again…who fucking cares!!!

46) Who is the biggest slut you know (male or female)?
hahahaha…no comment!

47) When I say the word ASSWIPE, who comes to mind?
Toilet Paper.

48) Have you ever let someone have something that was very special to you because they needed it more?
That’s a very good question.

49) Can you sing well?
eh…I’m not completely tone deaf.

50) How many times a day do you poop?
Between one and zero.

51) What is your favorite website?
One that I built…hah!

52) Do you consider yourself an addict of any kind?
Music, laughter, girls…

53) If your closest friend’s companion came on to you would you tell your friend?
Quite the moral quandry!

54) What is your favorite song to make fun of?
The Causeway Rocks by Annalise just because that chorus is freaking hilarious!

55) Do you laugh alot?
Constantly.

56) Do you cry alot?
Not at all.

57) Have you ever saved anyone’s life?
hmmmm…I’ve tried lots of times but I’m not sure that I’ve ever succeeded.

58) What is your favorite thing to do to relax?
Music, laughter, girls…

59) Do you ever count sheep?
Can’t say that I do.

60) Did you enjoy this survey?
ehhh…

1. What do you hear right now?
Penelope Fucking Houston screaming No Martyr!!!

2. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I can barely say it forwards! That “lmnop” part really confused the hell out of me in kindergarten!!!

3. Do you do drugs?
“Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke! (”I seen him!”) Now that’s an addiction… you ever suck some dick for marijuana!?” Stolen funny quote aside…no, laughter is my drug. And possibly Green Tea!

4. What do you use as an alarm in the morning?
The TV, my watch, the sun, “interesting” dreams…

5. Have you ever used a night-light?
In my room?! I don’t think I was ever that big of a wussy.

6. What’s the highest number you’ve ever counted to?
umm…500 as in cds? You thought I’d say “girlfriends” for a second there didn’t you!

7. Have you ever had the “clap-on, clap-off” lights?
No. They can’t tell the difference between clapping, masturbating, or rough sex.

8. What operating system do you use for your PC (Windows, Mac, etc)?
Windows 98 and it’s shit!

9. Do you have a custom CD player in your car?
Me?? CAR?!?! HAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

10. What about custom speakers?
See above.

11. If you could know when and how you would die, would you wanna know?
What makes you think I don’t already?!

12. Do you own a graphic calculator?
I would have to say no.

13. Do you turn off lights to save energy?
Yes…

14. Have you ever had a “brown-out”?
Is that some sort of innuendo?

15. Has food in your fridge ever gone bad because of a power outage?
No but the power goes out here all the fucking time! All it takes is a strong breeze… I’m not joking!!!

16. Is your car registration/insurance up to date?
Yes! Absolutely!

17. What kind of camera do you use to take pictures?
One of those olde tyme ones that uses gunpowder.

18. Do you use highlighters?
On occasion…I highlight words in the dictionary. Yeah!

19. Do you relate more to music with or without words?
Wordage is everything!

20. What do you think is/are the universal language(s)?
What is this “love” you speak of?

21. Can you count in any other language(s)?
bljeghbe`chugh vaj blHegh!!!

22. Do you wear Wranglers?
I probably have a pair or two. Jeans is jeans!

23. Have you ever ridden an elephant?
WHAT???? I think that’s the most random queston ever!!!

24. Do you know what causes “red tide”?
The blood of countless young soldiers.

25. Do you know what DNA stands for?
Deoxyribo Nucleic Acid. Now why don’t you ask me something really simple like the four states of matter!

26. Which is worse, a baby that won’t stop crying or a dog that won’t stop barking?
Depends on the baby or type of dog. My sister could shatter glass!!!

27. What kind of deoderant do you use?
Whatever brand I have at the time.

28. Do you know what RAM stand for?
Random Access Memory. What’s with all the acronyms?

29. Would you rather have sex 5 times a day or 5 times a year?
This has to be just about the stupidest question ever…

30. Would you rather listen to a boring lecture or classical music all day?
Depends on what the lecture is about or who the composer is.

31. Do you know what THC stand for?
You can stop with those now.

32. Do you know WHY 420 is the stoner’s number?
People used to say that’s police code but that’s bullshit. I think it’s a Grateful Dead reference. But then again WHO GIVES A FUCK!!!!

33. Do you know what makes liquid cocaine?
My dad.

34. Look at these numbers sexually: 69 and 68 … what’s the difference?
One is one away from fun.

35. Do you know what the difference between a weed pipe and a meth pipe is?
Quit with all the stupid fucking drug questions already!

36. Do you take online quizzes?
Sometimes out of boredom.

37. Are you adopted?
Do you know something I don’t? PLEASE say I am!!!

38. Would you ever adopt a child?
Better than actually having one of my own.

39. Do you say ‘never’ and ‘always’ a lot?
I would never use the same words always constantly.

40. What’s the worst situation you ever fucked something up in the microwave?
Was that question in english???

41. Has anyone ever ‘pants’ed you?
Nah I’m too cool for skool.

42. Are you superstitious?
I’m not a politician. And I wouldn’t build a fort to defend who I am. But I’m not religious…without Catholocism.

43. Have you ever played ‘7 minutes in heaven’?
Only SEVEN minutes???

44. Do you use smilies? ;-P~
Yep.

45. Do you use scratch paper?
Huh???

46. Fingers or toys?
hahaha…not around the children, honey!

47. Do you own a vase?
I own a basket case.

48. What’s yer choice search engine?
Google…do you “google yourself”?

49. Do you use icons to explain how you feel?
Didn’t you JUST ask if people use smilies?!

50. Is it hard for you to apoligize when you do something wrong?
Nope. Not at all!

51. How do YOU pronounce ‘advertisement’ - AD-ver-tize-mint, ad-ver-TIZE-mint, or ad-VER-tiz-mint?
Popup blocker.

52. Do you have an accent?
A little bit. I’ve managed to avoid sounding like an ignorant hick though!

53. Do you buy lickable or stickable stamps?
Stickable… Lickable is like…old underwear or something!

54. Do you keep your CDs in their original cases or a CD book?
Cases, organized, alphabetical, by release date.

55. Do you believe we need to save the whales?
Why did I read “shave”?

56. What about the rainforests?
Fuck corporate greed.

57. How many ashtrays are in your house?
About 1000…my parents are disgusting!

58. Do you wear a belt/belts?
Sometimes. Anyone that wears a white belt should be shot though!

59. Have you ever gone to traffic school?
Nnnnnnnope.

60. Did you ever ride on the yellow bus?
Is this more innuendo?

61. Do you think everything tastes like chicken?
Only……..no comment.

62. Do you prefer clickable pens or pens with caps?
Clickity click.

And once again I deleted the questions that have been asked to the N^th degree!!!